worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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