Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The air was thick with penises
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
