You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize