i don't like sucking hair
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
