when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
