Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
