just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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