You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
