he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
