dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
