Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
