am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
