i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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