JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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