OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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