i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
