I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
