The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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