you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
