I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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