Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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