Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
