Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
