my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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