If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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