I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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