I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
