are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
