can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
