I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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