THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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