i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
