Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
