Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
