my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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