Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's Friday. Sex?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
