She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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