next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
