we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
