He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
