Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
