she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
