You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
