what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
