those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
