I just pynch a tree in the face
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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