Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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