Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize