my soul wont recognize me after tonight
pop tarts are not kleenex
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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