I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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