good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's never too late to be topless.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize