um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
