You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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