He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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