Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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