just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
