yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
