If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize