I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
