I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize