You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
