i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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